this winter break has been incredibly eye opening for me because it has been filled with so much sadness and heartbreak.

the first few days were great. i got to hang out with some of my “forever” friends. (those random friends that you know will always stay with you even if you don’t talk over the school year) and oddly, i got to talk to people that i hadn’t talked to in forever. it was really refreshing to have amazingly intelligent conversations again.

then i started thinking too much, hah. i got my wisdom teeth pulled which put me out for awhile. my dad was getting ready to move out cause he got a new job in washington. my mom was frazzled because she didn’t know what she would do without him in houston.

we packed up the car on the 26th and arrived in vancouver, washington, on the 31st. my birthday. we sat on the carpet and used a box as our table for dinner. it was ironic that we were in the same situation 11 years ago when settling into our house in houston. even though my dad is in vancouver, my mom is in houston, and my sister is in d.c., and i know i’ll always have my family.. it won’t be the same.

while lying in my sleeping bag, i kept going through the past year. it’s funny how things change - it’s quite sad actually.

i had grown up with a great DG support system. those brothers and sisters were usually pretty good at checking in and keeping me accountable, but i was pretty good at pushing people away.

i had grown up with better moral values. i know i’ve been raised to be better than what i’ve become. i know that God has a greater plan for me. i just need to start listening.

i had grown up to be stronger. i need to not let this little bump in the road affect everything that i have going for me. but is it so wrong to show weakness? 

i had grown up to not let other people influence who i am. i just need to remember not to trust so easily. not everyone wants to help, some people just want to tear you down.

people grow up. people change. 2011 sucked. it’s time to let go.

i sat in my empty room and rang in the new year by myself. i felt a sense of renewal because of this solitude. because of this emptiness in my life. because i needed to feel it. because i need 2012 to be better.

i only have one resolution for myself this year: stay healthy. but importantly take care of myself. heart, soul, and mind.

“don’t ever forget my words. keep them deep within your heart. these words are the secret to life for those who find them. they bring health to the whole body. be careful about that you think. your thoughts run your life. [above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.] don’t use your mouth to tell lies. don’t ever say things that are not true. keep your eyes focused on what is right. keep looking straight ahead to what is good” Proverbs 4 (NCV)